ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR ORDER
CRIME AND DISORDER ACT 1998
In the Chavton Magistrates' Court
Code/Case Number: 666
Chavton Magistrates' Court
Scumsberry Rd, Chavton, Scumsberry, FU.
Applicant: the Commissioner of Plod for Scumsberry
Defendant: F A Tchav
Defendant's Address: Scumsberry Towers, Sinking Chodbury, Chavton, FU2.
Relevant Authorities consulted:
Scumsberry Police/Chavton Council/Old Tom at the Masonic Lodge.
The Chavton magistrates Court having found:
a) that Francis Albert Tchav has acted like a complete and utter wanker on the dates and at the places listed in the schedule below and behaved in an anti-social manner that has caused, or is likely to cause harassement, alarm distress or at the very least serious amusement, to one or more persons not of the same household as himself (though quite possibly vaguely related as they breed like flies); and
b) that an anti-social behaviour order is necessary to protect relevant persons from further anti-social acts by him and his wanking mates.
It is ordered that the Defendant, F A Tchav is prohibited from:
1) engaging in conduct which causes or is likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress to others within the Borough of Bong, such as sparking up in the Chavton library thinking it's the toilets of the community centre;
2) engaging in behaviour which is likely to be threatening, abusive or insulting to others, such as calling Mrs Kaur in the Post Office "a fucking dried up old nan" or threatening to set fire to Lady McCartney's 'wooden' leg as she performed a charity opening at the new Poundstretchers;
3) entering the area known as 'the High Street' in order to engage in violent conduct on the persons of the 'Deth to all U Fuckers Crew'; and
4) being in possession of any spray or aerosol painting system, or any marker pen or other indelible marking system which could be used for the purpose of causing criminal damage or graffiti.
(because we all know you can't spell for shit.)
This order shall remain in force until the day you die, or get a job, whichever shall come first.
(Yeah, right)
If without reasonable excuse, you do anything which is prohibited by reason of this order you will be liable on conviction to imprisonment for a term not exceeding FIVE years (24 months detention and Training Order if a minor) OR to a fine OR both.
(Although let's face it, we all know the court is unlikely to do anything at all and you can go on making life hell for all around you.)
Made by me,
Phil McCrackin
Justice of the Peace.