The Old Bill in Barkingmad
Thursday, August 6th, 2009Wos up Barkingmad way yesterday. Doin’ a bit o’ biz for Magik. E’s got a third cousin’s auntie’s nephew’s niece runnin’ a stall up the market dahn from the station.
Me an’ Mickey had to take a vanload of fruit and veg out there. Day old stuff that the snobs dahn Borough Market turn their noses up at but that there’s nuffin’ wrong wiv.
All sorts it wos. Stuff I’d never seen before. All very green and red and colourful. Kinda like the shelf of alcopops dahn the Cock and Cucumber but not so shiny. So we offloaded the gear then went to the pub. Well it wos after 11:00 and I wos parched. Mad Mickey sez ‘e’ll drive back an’ we’ll just ‘ave a quick one.
So, by tea time we’d ‘ad a bucket. Mickey wosn’t drivin’ nowhere an’ we ‘ad to get back to the Rancid Raspberry for a game of darts wiv the guys from the Duke of Argylls. Painful bunch to hang around wiv but good wiv the arrows.
We ‘ad to go back to the van to get the keys to the lockup cos we’d thrown them in the back wiv the crates.
Could we find the blahdy van?
Could we facck.
All the streets off the high street looked the same and the bit that was dug up just made it more confusing.
So me an’ Mickey are staggering round the back streets checking out every white van to see if it’s Magik’s.
Surprise surprise. Up pop the Old Bill screaming round the corner doin’ a ton, leaping out and throwing us an’ Mickey up against a wall.
“Wot’s goin’ on ‘ere?” sez one.
“You wankers ur fuckin’ annoyin’ me” sez Mickey. “Huv ye no goat enythin’ better to do thin hassle innocent passersby.”
Now the nearest Micky gets to Innocent is if ’e’s drinking a smoothie so I stepped in and smoothtalked them, explained the situation.
They suggested politely we forget the van, come back sober the next day and take it back then.
Mickey suggested they ”Fuck off!”.
It wos goin’ well. So grabbed Mickey by the shoulder and frogmarched ‘im dahn teh street straight (not very) back to the pub.
Once ‘e’d ‘ad a few to calm dahn, we headed back out to look for the van, fahnd it first go, grabbed the keys and jumped the tube ’ome.
Magik wos pissed. But then so were we, so didn’t give a facck.
.
Anyway.
Fatchav till the day I die.
(Or get a gastric Band)
ascei8gdu9
