Beer is good for you!
Friday, October 2nd, 2009Nah ‘ere’s the good news. Beer is good for you!!!
Nah, I dahn’t just mean cos you can get mad-dogged on a can of Tennents Special at 8:30 in the morning while you’re waiting for the Market Porter up the Borough to reopen. The quacks and science geeks have finally discovered wot Mad MIckey ‘n’ me ‘eve known since birth.
Beer is good for you!
If can reduce strokes, heart disease and even the incidence of cataracts.
So, can Mad Mickey ‘n’ me hope to liver forever. Well, we can hope, but even if mad Mickey manages not to kill ‘imself on one of ‘is mental antics and the old lady doesn’t kill me for crimes against fashion, beer ‘as still got it’s dahn side so you got to avoid too much of a good thing. Still, wot’s to beat a good pint of ale. Nothing much, except maybe two pints.
So, pop quiz.
True or false?
Beer is good for your heart.
True: (nah ‘ere’s the science) A Dutch study found that a known reference for predicting future cardiovascular disease, blood C-reactive protein (CRP), declined by 35 percent after three weeks of regular beer consumption compared with levels after three weeks of drinking non-alcoholic beer. Ya beauty. Always knew those cloggies were good for something more than a wild weekend in Amsterdam.
The same study found that levels of HDL or “good” cholesterol rose by 11 percent during the same period. Beer also contains vitamin B6, which prevents the build-up of an amino acid called homocysteine that has been linked to heart disease.
Three for three, I’d say. We’re on a roll ‘ere.
And … younger women who drink two or three alcoholic bevvies a week have a lower risk of developing high blood pressure than women who don’t drink alcohol. The women in the group who drank two or three a week had a 14 percent lower risk of developing high blood pressure than those who abstained. Now 2 or 3 a week isn’t really drinking, but let’s not quibble.
Beer will reduce the chance of stroke.
True: One drink a day for women or up to two drinks a day for men will reduce your chances of strokes, heart and vascular disease. Stroke is the third biggest cause of death in the UK and the largest single cause of severe disability. It is said that light to moderate drinkers will decrease their chances of suffering a stroke by 20 percent.
Give your nan a beer. It’s good for her.
True: Maybe you dahn’t take ‘er dahn the Rancid Raspberry for Happy Hour (Monday to Friday, 11:00 to 19:00, 3 drinks for the price of 1 and the potcheen is free) but in moderation, beer has been proven to have positive effects on elderly people. And I dahn’t just mean gettin’ them crumblies up an’ dancin’ dahn the social an’ flappin’ their bingo wings. You got to be careful though. Where do you think that smell of piss in old folk’s gaffs comes from.
Beer makes you funnier and more attractive to the opposite sex.
False: Oh no! Is that where I’ve bin goin’ wrong all these years? Beer doesn’t make you funnier, but you will laugh at your own bad jokes more. And so will your drunken mates. And for men - BUT UNFORTUNATELY NOT FOR WOMEN - your beer-goggles can take over and make that 3 at the end of the bar seem like a ten. And unless you’ve got an overnight alcohol IV, you’ll see clearly in the morning. AAAGGGHH!.
Beer is fat and cholesterol-free.
True: Look at the label. Nutritionally, a beer is like a soft drink in its calories and carbs, but does your blahdy Dr Pepper curb cancer? I daahn’t think so!
Beer is good for breasts.
True: Research by scientists at the Universidade do Porto in Portugal found that polyphenols in wine and beer appeared to decrease breast cancer cells significantly. Numerous other experiments have shown that certain polyphenols, mainly flavonoids, can protect against heart disease and have anticancer, antiviral and antiallergic properties.
The Portuguese study concluded that xanthohumol, which is found in beer, was the most potent polyphenol over breast cancer cell growth; it showed its effect more rapidly and at a lower concentration than the others.
Now there’a a job. Why can’t I get paid to study tits? Hell, I’d do if for free.
So all in all, as Ben Franklin said dahn Ye Olde Scars and Swipes, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
And thanks to all you diamond geezers oo’ve got FatChav Fundamental in the top 10 British blogs as ranked by Blogged.com. ‘Ave you lot nuffin better to do wiv your time than read this crap.
Anyway.
Fatchav till the day I die.
(Or get a gastric Band)
ascei8gdu9
