Fat Chav FundaMental

Mad Mickey MacMental was ragin’ this morning dahn the Borough Market. He was givin’ it this an’ givin’ it that an’ goin’, well, mental. There was loose fruit flyin’ everywhere. Aubergine’s in the olive’s that bird Olive Oli in the next stall was pushin’, Golden Delicious dahn the drain, tomato’s rollin’ along the gutter. There wos even an artichoke peekin’ out the lav when I went to see a friend off to sea.

Finally, Magik steps up an’ sez “Mickey, you are not right. What is the problem.”

Normally, tellin’ Mickey he is ‘not right’ would have a profound effect but this time ‘e just goes, “Nae offence, Magik” sez Mickey.
(well when Mickey sez ‘nae offence intended’ you know somebody is goin’ to feel pretty offended),
“It’s aw this keech oan the telly wi’ Stumpie Fishpaste and the fuckin’ gNats letting that mass murderer oot o’ the jail. It’s no right. That stumpie little wanker is a disgrace. It gets mair fuckin embarassin’ bein’ a Scotsman every fuckin’ day what wi’ ToniBlah and Girning Clown having fucked over the whole country an’ noo we huv Stumpie fuckin’ Fishpaste an’ those fuckin’ tossers that call themselves the Scottish Government gie’in’ the biggest mass murderer in UK history a ’get oot o’ jail free’ card.

If the man wisnae guilty we need an appeal tae find oot wot the fuck happened. If the man wis guilty - then ‘e murdered 272 people an’ shouldnae be let oot o’ jail fur ‘compassionate reasons’. Or if ‘e wis, ‘e should be under hoos arrest, no headin hame tae a hero’s fuckin’ welcome. Naeboady who murdered 270 innocent people by hidin’ a bomb in a bag is any kind o’ hero. Cowardly fuckin’ lassie is what any bomber is. Cannae man up and gie it a sqwerr go wi’ whoever. Huv tae sneak aroon like a rat. Therr no even human.”

We let this go on for a bit, then once Magik had lost any hope of understandin’ wot Mickey wos sayin’ ‘e nodded over an’ we dragged Mickey into the Market Porter to put the world to rights. Well we were gettin’ no work done anyway.

 
And to keep Mickey happy we started wiv that tosspot Stumpie Fishpaste - a man wiv an ego bigger than Scotland an’ a face like a pie that wos sat on by fat frankie wiv no keks on.

So we had a few to to celebrate our good fortune in being alive, able to live free and along the way we raised a glass to the victims of Flight 103.

Well, it wos Friday morning so you got to start the weekend the right way. Got a job up BarkingMad way on Monday morning so let’s see if we make it there.

.
Anyway.
Fatchav till the day I die.
(Or get a gastric Band)

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